Martybear (Watchmen)
Watchmen
Directed by Zack Snyder
Screenplay by David Hayter and Alex Tse
Based on a graphic novel by Alan Moore and Dave Gibbons
Alan Moore was quoted as saying that he specifically wrote Watchmen as a story that would be unfilmable. There existed in the graphic novel, in his opinion, certain juxtapositions of words and actions that would never translate onto the screen. As a person who has often read the books that movies are based upon I know for a fact that this is true; the reader can digest a thought at his own pace, but the viewer doesn’t have that option. The frames of the film keep plugging along regardless of who is or is not keeping up, and so some of the more subtle aspects of mood are in danger of being lost.
It’s with that thought in mind that I render my one word review of Watchmen—underwhelming.
Theoretically, what we were supposed to get was a 1980′s period drama about the Cold War and how it mutates in the face of the existence of superheroes. In practice, what we received was a garbled collection of memoirs and practically random events that had very little substance holding them together.
This was not helped by the sets, which went out of their way to look needlessly like 4 color comic panels. A cute little reference to the comic-book origins of the film, perhaps, but one that utterly destroyed the grim atmosphere of the world in fear of nuclear holocaust. This was also reflected in the costuming. Over the top amounts of really bad, and painfully obvious prosthetics only served to further distract from any point the movie might have made. I’m just throwing this out there, but, for me, it’s hard to feel the desperation of imminent war when you can’t stop staring at Nixon’s nose.
I guess Zack Snyder thought all he had to do was make something that looked like Watchmen and it would be a big hit. I mean, sure there will be a lot of people let down by it, but it only serves to reinforce my opinion of the guy as a man without any ideas of his own.
Then there was the cast. Where to begin? It makes me feel a little dirty to say it, but the best performance in the film was given by Matt Frewer. Most of the other performances wouldn’t have made serviceable auditions; the cast was about as natural in their roles as a class of fourth graders doing Oliver Twist. Sure, they looked the part (see above) but that was about where the train stopped. Lines were stiff and recited, body language was obviously manufactured, and any chemistry that might have existed in the film did so in the fictitious science labs, not between the actors.
One bright note, Jackie Earle Haley did play a good Rorschach. Maybe too good for this movie, though. Remember those more subtle aspects of mood we talked about earlier? Well, thanks to the directors sh***y interpretation of the story, all of Rorschach’s most important character development came across as comic relief. I feel it’s important to note that this is not Mr. Haley’s fault. He played his part well, but was crippled by the ineptitudes of others. Which is sort of poetic, in a very Rorschach kind of way.
I have no idea what Billy Crudup was doing in this movie. I guess they needed a B-list actor with a decent voice to add some weight to the movie. The problem was that Billy Cruddup did not fit the role at all. He didn’t even seem to try. Dr. Manhattan was so glazed over in this film that I don’t think I would have bothered if I were him either.
The morale of the story here is; stick with the book. I know it’s long, and has a lot of words and stuff, but the story actually means something. To give an extended review of the Watchmen film I shall leave you with a quote:
It is a tale told by an idiot, full of sound and fury, signifying nothing.
Review by Martybear