Martybear (X-Men)
X-Men
Directed by Bryan Singer
Story by Tom DeSanto and Bryan Singer
Screenplay by David Hayter
Maybe there aren’t many people who remember this, but back in 1999 there was a lot of anxiety over the year 2000. The idea of the “Y2K” bug and how it was somehow going to magically cause the end of civilization as we know it was gripping us in a way that I am still ashamed of to this day. All that fear went to waste on a non-existant threat when we should have been worried about an X-Men movie—that was the real horror of 2000.
I wasn’t expecting much from this movie. Up until this point, comic-book adaptation movies were notorious for camp and melodrama. Even the Batman franchise, which started off strong, fell victim to it once sequels started coming out. Adding to my low expectations was the fact that the screenplay was written by David Hayter (That’s right kids, the voice of Solid Snake!). Even still, within twenty minutes I was firmly aware of the fact that this movie should have been called “Wolverine & the X-Men” because after twenty minutes I still hadn’t seen anyone other than Wolverine. I’m not counting Rogue since it’s a long standing tradition that Wolverine takes an underage girl under his wing in his solo endeavors (Shadowcat, Jubilee, etc.).
There’s nothing inherently wrong with a movie about Wolverine and his X-buddies, but this movie was billed as X-Men, so there were certain things I was expecting to see. Like X-Men. The struggle of Charles Xavier and his students to find acceptance in a world that fears them was the context in which the story of Wolverine was told; a context that competed heavily for attention with the entirely too preachy sociopolitical commentary that masked itself as the sub-plot. We get it! Humans are arrogant, racist, alarmist, violent reactionaries by nature, but I get enough of that in the news. The last thing I want to see in a movie is some high-minded director reminding me what a despicable asshole I really am.
Since what we’re really talking about is a Wolverine movie, let’s talk about Wolverine. If he’s supposed to be short why cast him with such a tall actor? If he’s supposed to be Canadian, why direct him to use an American accent? Remember; Hugh Jackman is Australian; he had to be directed to use an American accent. Bryan Singer may have an outstanding visual sense, or he might just have a real genius of a DP, but that’s about all I can say for him in this movie.
The only thing remotely ‘accurate’ about this movie was that Toad took on 3 of the X-Men at once and whipped their asses until he was finally defeated by the worst one-liner of all time: “Do you know what happens to a Toad when it’s struck by lightning?”
If you’re a rabid Wolverine fan, or otherwise have a low standard of entertainment and a high threshold for Hollywood bile than this movie might just be for you.
Review by Martybear