Captain Zero (Constantine)
Constantine
Directed by Francis Lawrence
Screenplay by Kevin Brodbin and Frank A. Cappelo
Based on a graphic novel by Jamie Delano and Garth Ennis
John Constantine was originally created by Alan Moore to be a spiritual advisor to DC comics Swamp Thing. He’s been described in various quotes from Moore as “created to get Sting into the story”—meaning the lead singer of the popular band The Police.
With Constantine I don’t know who I was thinking of. I just wanted this character who knows everything, and knows everybody- really charismatic … It struck me that it might be interesting for once to do an almost blue-collar warlock—somebody who was streetwise, working class, and from a different background than the standard run of comic book mystics. Constantine started to grow out of that.
My own experience reading various stories in the long-running comic Hellblazer, John Constantine is a chain smoking, sarcastic blond Englishman. So with all that in mind, only one person could fit the bill: Keanu Reeves. WHOA….
The plot of this movie is adapted from a couple of different graphic novels—if mashed together and Americanized. John Constantine’s movie counterpart lives in Los Angeles working as an occult detective, and is shown performing an exorcism on a demonically possessed girl early on. When Constantine is questioned by a police detective investigating her sister’s death, he uncovers a plot by unknown agents to let the son of Lucifer loose on the world. We also get to meet the angel Gabriel and several other interesting characters leading up to a typical Hollywood action climax. Could have been better with more occult references but I’ll still give it a 3.5
Ah, acting—a category that can make or break any movie and here’s where we go back to that description at the beginning of the review. Keanu fucking Reeves? I can make a list right now of a dozen people more qualified for the role, both in looks and acting ability. Reeves has all the charisma of Bob Dole at nap time. If he was any stiffer they’d stick him in a sarcophagus. Have I mentioned his a bit wooden in his acting? He was so stiff in this role Woody Woodpecker started drooling and putting on a bib. I can go on, but I think you get the idea. Rachel Weisz plays detective Angela Dodson, mostly as the requisite cynic, and somehow Shia Lebouf shows up as Constantine sidekick Chas. Actually, he shows up as the same character Shia plays in every movie—a somewhat panicked sounding smart-ass. Best acting in this film goes to Tilda Swinton as the androgynous angel Gabriel, but even she couldn’t save this move from a dismal rating of 1.
Action, special effects and cinematography all hit the mark. Good ‘demon’ effects and nifty angel wings give the movie a solid 4 in that category and there are enough fight scenes for another 4 as well. So what we end up with is what could have been a solid enjoyable movie that ends up feeling like the actors were phoning it in. If the producers really felt they needed a big name for the flick, could they have at least have stuck closer to the source material? To quote the great Maxwell Smart, “ Missed it by that much”. It gets an overall 3 for eye candy effects and action.
Review by Captain Zero