Master Jimmy (Wolverine)
X-Men Origins: Wolverine
Directed by Gavin Hood
Written by David Benioff and Skip Woods
I don’t envy the writers of X-Men Origins: Wolverine. They were charged by cues following X-Men 2 with writing an origin story for a thunderously popular character that ends with that character getting amnesia—lame, clichéd, and well-tread territory to be sure. Why does Wolverine have to get amnesia, you ask? Well, because Wolverine is Neo. Or Luke Skywalker. Or Harry Potter, maybe. That is, he’s a plot device used in three previous films to introduce audiences to an interesting and well-established world. In order to be that device, though, one has to be a dumbass. This way the world can be explained to that character (and consequently to the audience), all while keeping that character as the star and hero of the film. So all X-Men familiarity will have to be erased from Wolvie’s memory before the chronological start of that trilogy and what does the job is a gun that fires adamantium bullets. Why a gun that fires adamantium bullets would cause amnesia is left to our conjecture as is how an asinine reworking of a plot from The Wolf Man got into a 150 million dollar movie about a comic book character. Before you wonder too much about that, remember that most of Wolverine’s well-known origin is borrowed from Frankenstein so I guess it kind of works as a theme.
When Stan Lee, Jack Kirby, and all the goliaths of the Marvel universe were coming up with its mainstay characters, they did it by mixing super heroism with real-life problems. Spiderman was a schoolboy while The Fantastic Four tackled adult life. X-Men was kind of special because it was about racism. Now, while Wolverine definitely fits in this universe, his story is more of a conventional action type. The X-Men films have always been a tug-of-war between the two. The most obvious idea is to move Wolvie into his own franchise, so if Fox can bear to make an X-Men without Wolverine I applaud this decision. Heavily. The sight of Wolverine has become much like the sight of Robin in a Batman movie. Like Robin, once Wolverine appears you can expect X-Men’s usual dark and brooding story to become a lot more kiddie.
The film does one interesting thing. It elevates Sabertooth above the grunting strongman in the original X-Men. Liev Schreiber seems to be genuinely enjoying himself. I’m convinced that how good he looked smiling malevolently through a mouthful of fangs sold this movie. Just don’t expect much else. You’ll be most surprised by how many times these two can face off and tackle each other and how many times Wolverine can look up with his claws outstretched and scream, “Nooooooo!” In addition, mutants featured heavily in the trailer like Cyclops, Gambit, and Blob are on and off the screen so quick I wonder if there was anything that wasn’t revealed in the trailers. I found it quite telling (and hilarious) that even now, the makers of this movie were so worried that Wolverine was not exposed enough that Deadpool, a character who’s main distinguishing feature is constant wisecracking, had his mouth sealed shut. Not a coincidence.
Maybe that’s fine. If someone is going to go see a movie called X-Men Origins: Wolverine this is exactly what they should expect. But here’s the problem. Wolverine is not a side character and has already starred in three X-Men films. The first two especially have already delved deeply into Wolverine’s origin story. And as we’ve all been told already, genetic mutation is its own origin. So where his claws, his ultra-developed air-whiffing, or his now Highlander-level healing factor came from is totally out. What’s left? What’s left is where he got his nickname, motorcycle, and leather jacket. I’m dead serious about this. Everything else is a retread of X2 with mutant cameos thrown in for flavor, and it tastes like chicken.
Wolverine gets to have amnesia. We have to watch this crap twice.
Review by Master Jimmy